To poverty and hardship, this young man, he was born
His kind and loving parents
Could scarcely feed their young
The times were hard and bitter
There was no work to do
Until at length in service
This young child was forced to go
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny
All the wild beasts of the pack would follow in his track
But he had no heart to whip them
Or to drive the poor hounds back
The savage was made gentle, the cruel was turned kind
And all by the virtue of his loving heart and hand
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny
As a pageboy he was called to serve at Booby Hall
In a suit of finest clothing, he was set to beck and call
To carry trays and glasses
To serve the best of wine
And to wait upon this lady, so elegant and so fine
With an angel's voice, indeed, oh, he would the choir lead
And raise his sound in melody on high
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny
He was such a gentle boy
Such a pure and gentle boy
That no one could his company deny.
When are we going to visit the city again, Thomas?
La grande ville.
I declare, these country pleasures are
as coarse as a fart at a first communion.
Oh, rise up, Miss Fanny, all in your cloak of silk
For summer is a'coming today
And all your body underneath as white as any milk
In the merry morning of May
Where are the young men who now should advance?
For summer is a'coming today
Oh, some, they are in England, and some, they are in France
In the merry morning of May
Oh, rise up, Miss Fanny
All in your cloak of silk
For summer is a'coming today
And all your body underneath as white as any milk
In the merry morning of May.
Whoa!
Whoo!
Just an excuse for debauchery.
Sans doute, Madame.
And probably some naughty goings-on, as well.
Tell George to take us home, Slipslop.
Dégoutant.
Convey us chez nous, George.
Go to work, you two.
There's supper to be served.
Get that rubbish.
She's just a little
kitchen creature, you know, Joey.
She don't know nothing about etiquette.
You help me, Joey.
Forks on the left.
Oh.
What's he practicing for now?
You,
go and tell him to stop at once.
Yes, Sir Thomas.
When are
we leaving here?
Those bells will drive me mad if it's not soon.
We leave at dawn tomorrow.
Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast.
Sir Thomas has asked me to tell you that you must...
Sir Thomas and Lady Booby, I hear, are bound for Bath
and are intending to take you with them.
Yes, but, you must stop because...
Sir Thomas is getting very upset,
because you're...
you're spoiling his dinner.
Spoil...
Your Latin will suffer if you go to Bath.
Yes.
But it will be a great opportunity,
Lady Booby says, to see the world.
Joseph,
if a man were to sail the world
and anchor in every harbor of it,
he would return home
as ignorant as he departed...
without learning.
Unless, of course, his interest lay in harbors.
That would add to his knowledge.
But I would like to see the... riches of the world, sir.
Just once.
I'd hoped that your reading had profited you more.
You disappoint me.
Joseph? Joseph?
Psst!
The mistress is taking you to Bath tomorrow.
Tomorrow? But how...?
I'm afraid of what might happen to you in the city.
Fanny, I...
I'll surely die if you leave me.
Don't worry, my love.
I'll talk to Parson Adams.
He'll arrange something.
My lady...
My lady, I...
I have a request to make of you.
On the cadge again, no doubt.
No more bell practice, j'espère.
Practice makes perfect, my lady.
Practice makes a bloody awful din.
Oh, I...
I had no intention, Sir Thomas, of, uh...
Oh, my pudding!
Oh, my foot!
Get him out of here!
Oh!
Oh, get him out of here... before I murder you!
Get out!
Ah! Mrs. Slipslop.
Mrs. Slipslop, may I have a moment with you?
Please proceed.
I always enjoy loquation with a man of learning.
Mrs. Slipslop, I seek your intercession.
My intercession, Parson, I...?
But I, I know I had it...
I just can't remember where I put it.
On behalf of our Joseph.
He could be much more than a mere footman, you know.
I'm quite in record.
But he must work at his studies.
I want you to ask her ladyship to leave him here
in the country.
His Latin will suffer if he goes to town.
Latin? His Latin? Huh?
Latin is as much good to a footman
as a kerchief is to a pig.
Oh, I know you must learn it
because you cannot preach without it.
But I've heard tell it's fit for no one else.
No, Mr. Adams, you take care of his soul,
and Lady Booby and me will take care of his...
we'll take care of his...
his... whereabouts.
I have to go, my love.
Her ladyship will brook no argument.
You'll forget me.
Never.
You'll be in my every waking thought...
and dream.
You'll never come back.
My heart will surely break.
I will come back.
I love you forever.
My own true love.
Hey, what's up?!
The only thing that moves in this street
are the horses bowels!
Out of the way! Out of the way!
Joseph!
My lady?
Ask how we can get out of here.
Yes, my lady.
Got any money?
Who's coming with me?
Get off with you!
Excuse me, miss.
Do you know St. George's Way?
No, my buck.
But for half a sixpence, you can do it any way you like.
Go tell my lady I'm waiting.
Yes, my lord.
And about time, too.
Gad, now there's one who takes me.
Beautiful.
Magnificent.
What a figure.
Finest pair of eyes in Bath,
I do declare.
Neck like a swan.
Mouth like a- like a rosebud.
What a creature.
Any chance of... sport, do you think?
None, dear.
He's kept on a leash like a dog.
But he is quite lovely.
Isn't that Lady Booby?
It may be so.
She's not an intimate of mine.
She seems to prefer the company of her footman.
They are rather close.
Not close enough for her, by all accounts.
If he were her page,
I daresay she would turn him every day.
Notabilia, my dear.
Our poor Sir Thomas has to dance alone.
Lady Booby's interest
certainly seems to have strayed.
Yes.
She is becoming very absentminded.
I have it on the highest authority
she often has difficulty in locating her own bedroom.
But what a handsome woman.
She does bare herself magnificently.
Yes.
And frequently.
Poor Sir Thomas.
That's what comes of marrying beneath one.
When one comes from the gutter,
one always has a taste for it.
- Poor Sir Thomas. - Poor Sir Thomas.
To think, Joseph, the Romans bathed here. Mmm.
I'm not neglecting your Latin, you see.
Of course, when they bathed, they...
My lady.
Nothing?
Orgies, madam?
La.
Such things as no Christian could think on.
Why, often poor, unfortunate esquires would be made to...
May the lord protect us from such unnatural lusts.
Amen, Joseph.
Amen.
Poor Sir Thomas.
Hardly cold in his grave and you, so young and fine.
It's hard, Joey.
When a lady takes a fancy to a gentleman,
the lightest hope sophisticates.
Tell me... what are your...
what are your feelings towards me?
You must've propriated how I feel.
Why, ma'am, I love you as if...
Oh!
...as if you were my own mother.
You dare insinuate
that I am old enough to be your mother?
Your own mother?
What I mean, ma'am, is...
that you are a woman of learning.
Oh, Joseph.
My eyes, whether I would or not,
declare a... passion I cannot conquer.
Joseph. Joseph!
What do you think of Joseph, Slipslop?
I fear he is très sauvage.
That he is, my lady.
And wicked, too.
He games and drinks and swears
and fights eternally,
and as for wenching...
I never heard that of him.
Oh, he even had the prurience to try and deflower me.
And Betty the chambermaid, I am convicted,
is by child with him.
Dismiss them both.
But, my lady, when Betty is gone
he may mend his ways.
Call Joseph.
I will examine him myself.
What? Here?
Here?
Do you think I would see a libertine
alone in my bedroom?
Jamais dans ma vie!
I am told that half the females in this house
live in fear for their virginity,
and the other half are carrying your children.
Your ladyship is under a misapprehension.
I have never offered more than a kissing.
Kissing?
You call that no crime?
Kissing, Joseph,
is as a prologue to a play.
What would you think, Joseph,
if I admitted you to kiss me?
Uh...
I would rather die, madam,
than to have any such thought.
And yet, Joseph,
ladies have admitted their footmen to such familiarities.
Madam, if they were offered,
I hope I should have enough virtue
to be able to control myself.
A footman have virtue!
I am sorry if I have offended your ladyship...
Get out!
Joseph...
have you ever been in love?
Love, my lady?
Oh, I am sure you are no stranger to that passion.
What lady has tempted you?
Ladies?
Why, I'm sure I never had the impudence
to think of any such.
Raise my veil, Joseph.
What am I doing?
Here I am naked.
Toute seule.
Why, if you attacked me,
however would I protect myself?
Madam, I have no evil designs.
No?
I assure you.
Hmm, you misunderstand me.
Are you not a man?
And without vanity?
I am not without mes charmes.
Plump my pillows, Joseph.
Do I not move you, Joseph?
In any parts?
I do not understand you, madam.
Then you're either a fool or pretending to be.
Va-t-en!
Beg your pardon?
Get out of my sight!
Joseph Andrews is dismissed.
Get off your robe.
You're breaking my heart, Joey.
I don't know how I'll carry on.
Where are you going?
What's the news from Bath?
Joseph's been dismissed.
Been dismissed?
Yes.
Stand and deliver.
There's but seven shillings.
And four pence.
He'll have more.
Strip.
Or I'll blow your brains
to the devil.
No, stop it!
Wait! Whoa, whoa!
What is the delay?
I have court within an hour.
There's a man here...
naked as he was ever born.
A naked man.
Coachman, drive on. Leave him.
Wait. Is he dead?
No, but he's sort a hurt.
Probably robbed.
Robbed? There must be highwaymen about.
Let him be!
A moment.
He shall not come into this coach.
I'd rather stay in these parts for all eternity
than drive in a coach with...
a naked man.
Good sir, give me some covering.
I would not offend the lady.
I'll not have my coat bloodied.
I'll ride in my shirt then.
I'll not suffer a Christian to stay naked. Here.
All right.
Next time, you'll pay.
Would you run for the doctor?
Hey!
What's all this, then?
Mr. Tow-Wouse...
Poor boy-- he's near to death.
I was just going to take him... to rest in the attic.
I'll not have no vagabonds in my attic.
Mr. Tow-Wouse,
you as a Christian cannot deny me that.
I can't deny you nothing, Betty.
All right, put him in the attic.
Don't tell the missus.
Oh, no, you don't,
Mr. Tow-Wouse.
We're not taking in no beggars.
Who's to pay his reckoning?
Where's your common charity?
Common charity? A fart!
Common charity teaches us to provide for ourselves
and our families, and I and mine
are not going to be ruined by your charity.
Well, he could rest in the attic.
For pity's sake.
A fart on your pity, too.
You've the finest skin I ever saw on any boy.
Now, good sir, modesty has no place for this sake.
I've washed men before.
I know what to expect.
Oh, sir, I do declare,
that's the prettiest compliment I've ever been paid.
I do assure you, madam, 'tis but the heat of the room.
Ooh, I know when a sword should be stuck in a scabbard.
Hey!
Oh, Mr. Tow-Wouse.
He attacked me.
He... he plunged at my virtue.
Your virtue?
He tore my clothes off.
Please don't tell, Mr. Tow-Wouse.
He's fully revived.
Doesn't look like it to me.
Well, I had to... I had to knock him down again.
Eh, never mind him.
You've revived me, Betty.
I'm standing like a crocus.
Betty?!
Oh! Oh! Oh, Mr. Tow-Wouse!
Betty...!
Oh, Mr. Tow-Wouse!
So!
Uh, I fainted.
Just came over...
strange, I did-- most perplexing.
This is the reward from her virtue.
You abuse my bed-- my own bed--
with my own servant!
As for you, you slut!
I'll rule you!
Get out, you nasty little whore!
I'll snell the hide off you, you... you bitch!
If I've been a little naughty, I'm not the first,
and I'll not be called a she-dog
by any bitch in England.
You...
you lecher! I'll...
I'll bloody you!
Now for you!
I'm the doctor.
Came as fast as I could.
A matter of some urgency, I understand.
Oh, yes, yes, I see.
- Sit down, my poor fellow. - What?
I-I am not your patient, sir.
- Not...? - No.
Ah, is that the poor unfortunate...?
Uh...
Mr. Tow-Wouse!
Uh, yes, my love?
Oh, my poor fellow, I can see that you're suffering.
I am a surgeon.
No, sir, no, I've a... fainting... purely fainting.
I'll be well, directly.
Where is the patient I was sent for?
Aha.
Aha!
Dear me, dear me.
Been in the wars lately, haven't we?
Well, what about our heart, eh?
Hmm?
Yes... hmm?
We are wasting our time, aren't we?
We're dead.
There's very little hope, I'm afraid.
He's dead.
Dead?
And no means to pay his reckoning.
He's a turd from fortune.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...
Dead-- as mutton... as we surgeons say.
My fee for services
will be a mere shilling, madam.
Services? You've done him no services. He's dead.
My diagnosis, madam--
the apotheoses of medical skill.
I diagnosed him dead.
From what cause did he die?
The contusion on his head perforated
the internal membrane of the occipit,
and divilicated the radical, small,
minute, invisible nerve
that coheres to the pericranium.
That roast looks delicious.
I'll take a slice of that in lieu of my fee.
Who was this poor unfortunate?
I'll offer a prayer in his behalf.
He said his name was Joseph-- Joseph Andrews.
Joseph!
Angels and ministers of grace, defend us.
Joseph!
They told me you were dead.
Not quite.
I knew that man was a ninny.
Dead, indeed.
All you need's a little rest.
You'll be yourself again.
Have some food, hmm?
Fowl or rabbit?
No more-- I'll give the order.
And peace be with you, sir.
My sermons-- they were...
the sole cause, the...
...of my peregrination.
I had hoped to sell them in the great city,
but, alas-- I'm told they're out of fashion.
But this disappointment was intended for our good,
for now we can return together.
We'll ride in turn.
I'll walk first.
But I'm much better now, Parson.
Aw, tush, man-- you were dead but two days since.
Not so fast, sirrah.
There's the reckoning...
But the good parson paid.
Paid for your bed and board,
but not for the mule's stabling and feed.
There's still four shillings owed.
Hey, lock him up!
He's trying to welsh on his reckoning.
Mine, oh...
Call the constable!
Where's my good-for - nothing husband?
Let me go!
Please don't take advantage of me, sir.
Have no fear, damsel.
Your ravisher is vanquished.
Mr. Adams! Mr. Adams!
- Oh, sir, you saved my life! - Fanny...
My honor!
Pray God I have not killed him in doing so.
But what brings you here?
I was on my way to Bath to find Joseph, sir.
Joseph? He's waiting back at the inn.
Joseph's at the inn, sir?
Oh, 'tis only bird trappers.
I will seek their help with this fellow here.
Ah, my good fell...
Hey! You leave our nets alone!
Sir, I am not seeking your prey.
I am seeking help.
That... there is a man who attacked a damsel there, and...
I... I think as I may have killed him.
No, sir, I am not killed,
though you and your wicked whore might think so.
Whore, sir?
Gentlemen, you are luckily come to rescue me.
They were robbing me!
Why, damn them.
We will take him afore the justice.
The justice, sir? I...
On this, uh, 12th day of July,
during the reign of His Majesty George Il...
Get on with it. Get on with it.
They're as guilty as Judas.
Oh, come on.
Aw!
Do you call this justice?
You impertinent sinner.
We, uh, found on his person...
this suspicious book of ciphers.
He may be
a spy against the government.
Ciphers?
A spy?
Some frog papist, no doubt.
Ciphers...
Why, 'tis but my Aeschylus.
Call it what you like-- it's foreign.
You...!
Sir, I demand to be heard!
This is a mockery!
This is a... a sham of the English justice
which you have sworn to uphold!
Even St. Paul, when arraigned
before the magistrate, was able to cry...
What the devil is he on about now?
Oh, he's lost me totally.
Foreign, again?
Squire Western!
Oh, Mr. Booby!
Ah... you're in the nick of time, sir.
I was just being talked to death by a foreign miscreant.
To what do I owe this pleasure?
I'm on my way to Bath, Squire,
to present my future wife Pamela to my aunt-- Lady Booby.
- Ooh, yes. - My dear,
may I present Squire Western.
Delighted. Enchanted. Mmm!
A good childbearing stuff, eh?
Oh!
Yes.
Oh!
Tender down there, is it?
Oh, these damn coaches are hell on the ass.
Uh...
Let's drink to copulation.
Why, Parson Adams.
A common foot poacher.
He'll hang.
You are mistaken, sir.
This is my aunt's parson-- a good man and a gentleman.
A gentleman?
If he's a gentleman, he's innocent.
I've never hanged a gentleman in my life.
Ah!
Come... wet your whistle with this.
Yes.
And we'll string up the wench, eh?
Sir, she is as innocent as I am.
These men have borne
false witness against us.
False witness?
I'll make an example of them.
You can be sure of that.
Sir, forgiveness is the greatest Christian virtue.
Aw, bollocks.
The justice of this world is often... very rough, child.
I got a natural antipathy to vagabonds.
Joey!
And if he hangs tomorrow, I don't give a fart!
Hangs, madam?
As long as there's breath in my body,
he'll not go to the giblet.
Constable,
what must I disburse to obtain this young person
into my custard?
Here's to rottin'.
Hmm! A trifle.
You got no compunction at all, you know you haven't.
I do declare, I've seen more Christianity
in a mo-hatma man.
Joey...
Joseph, I'll look after you.
There we are.
Joey?
Jo... Joey...
Come along.
Oh... don't run away again.
Perhaps, Lady Booby,
you would permit me to withdraw.
I am much fatigued,
and doubtless, you and your nephew
have much to discuss.
She has withdrawn, dear aunt, so that I can explain to you...
her background and past.
I trust, nephew, that she's not some trollop or artiste
you have found in town.
Oh, certainly not, madam.
She is, in fact,
the sister of your footman, Joseph Andrews.
What?!
Madam, I know she brings no riches, no estates,
but her dowry is richer for beauty, for virtue.
Joseph's sister?
I am... surprised.
Madam, none of our family have need
of rich dowries.
It is our privilege
that we can marry for love.
By God, sir... you are right.
I have come to...
You have my blessing.
Madam,
this is the modern age.
One must marry who one wishes.
I drink to that.
Par bleu.
By God, I'll have him.
I've a mind to marry, and no one shall stop me.
I always say, Joey, that after journey,
when the body has expired freely,
a drop of cologne gives one a certain amount of allure.
Fanny!
Mr. Adams!
Mrs. Slipslop!
Who is that creature?
Mrs. Slipslop, may I present...
Present me with no trollops!
Lady Booby shall hear of this!
Fanny... you will be mine forever.
Parson Adams.
Hmm?
Join our hands together instantly.
Instantly?
Unions of the soul cannot be made instantly.
No, there are banns to be read, and license to be obtained,
and I must have full particulars of your...
uh, birth, your parentage.
No.
Now... you must both promise me
to wait until the banns are read.
- Oh, but... - Yes, Mr. Adams, we promise.
Joseph?
What is it, my love?
Joseph, can it ever be possible?
Of course, Fanny.
I don't even know if that is my real name.
A foundling sold to Booby Hall.
Every time I hear the name Fanny Goodwill,
I wonder if it is mine.
Fanny Goodwill...
is the name dearest in the world... to me.
Seven shillings, sir.
I have nothing.
And the ruffians stole my purse.
Can I help?
I regret, sir, a trifling sum...
seven shillings.
'Tis paid.
Would you not give us a song, sir?
Or perhaps you would prefer a sermon?
I will sing you...
the story of my life.
I marched in foreign countries far
A'following the soldier's star
When the war was won, and the battling was done
A few men still came home again
Yes, once I was
A soldier bold
I fought for country, king and gold
But when I marched home, I was left all alone
Till I met with a raggle-taggle gypsy girl
With her coal-black hair and her wanton ways
She quickly held my heart in sway
And her little caravan was soon filled with a man
When I rode with my raggle-taggle gypsy girl
We roamed the country around and around
And the green woods rang with our merry, merry sound
And I blessed the day that I had my way
When I met with my raggle-taggle gypsy girl
All together we did go with no cares or woe
I lived each day for her laughing smile
And upon the high road without burden or load
I traveled with my raggle-taggle gypsy girl
But alas, for time that flew so fast
Our joys and pleasures soon were past
And the parting day grew near at last
For me and my raggle-taggle gypsy girl
For a love like ours had a price to pay
And the devil laughed upon one day
Then he stole her gentle smile away
And I lost my raggle-taggle gypsy girl
And none were aware of the secret we shared
Only me and my raggle-taggle gypsy girl.
Will you not tell us the secret?
She told me on her deathbed
that she had once kidnapped a baby girl.
God forgive her.
What happened to the girl?
She was sold to a big house as a servant.
My gypsy woman never forgave herself,
and she died grieving for her sins.
All do the same.
Ah, here.
I believe our ways part here, sir.
Indeed.
We shall never forget your kindness, sir.
We shall meet again.
I hope so.
Fortune preserve you.
And you, sir.
Good-bye.
Get on! Get on!
Good-bye!
I was transfixiated to the spot, my lady.
I had just rescued young Joseph from the bore.
Such ingratuity.
I have a duty to rescue such a man myself.
Who are they, sir?
I do not know.
Do you believe in ghosts, Mr. Adams?
I do not... absolutely disbelieve in them.
Resurrectionists!
Body snatchers!
After them!
Ah...
caught in the act.
Hold, sir! Hold!
Ah!
Now we have you.
Sir, we are but travelers,
chanced upon these villains.
I beg your pardon, Reverend.
We've been after those rogues for many a night.
I am amazed, sir, to...
find body snatchers so far from a city.
Indeed.
Where do you lodge this night?
We do not know, sir.
You shall be my guest.
Ah...
Mmm.
'Tis the partnership of God and man...
working side by side.
Nay, sir, I'm afraid God is rather negligent of his share.
Oh...
Not to be entrusted when I'm away.
Indeed, you live as they lived in the golden age.
I am indeed blessed, sir. Ah...
But my life was not always that.
Ah?
My father died, leaving me a fortune.
So I went to London.
I was ambitious to become a gentleman.
Oh.
It was easy.
Especially if one meets an actress like Bell.
So, 'twas the eldest of these dear girls
who suffered with you.
Alas, no, sir.
My husband's first child was a little boy.
Oh?
I loved him as dearly as he did,
sickly and sad though he was.
But soon after we arrived here,
he was stolen away.
Stolen?!
Yes, by gypsies.
I was out here in the garden,
and he was in his cradle.
I went back into the house for a moment.
Strange.
'Tis the second tale of an infant stolen
we have heard this week.
But our daughters have been our support and joy ever since.
And aren't these Wilson's brats?
I'll pay him for his interference last night.
Ah!
Oh!
I'll go and drub that rascal!
He deserves to be strung up more than any highwayman.
I beg you, sir.
He is the law in these parts.
Hmm!
But one day, he'll go to his own grave...
rather than to the graves of others.
But Joseph, please. Not here.
Mr. Adams.
Hey, Joseph, look! A little hare!
How dare you attack my hounds!
I'll not stand by and see this gentleman abased by your hounds.
Joseph...
Sir?
Please forgive us, I...
I did not realize that you were a man of the cloth.
Ah...
Therefore, a gentleman.
And to make amends,
all of you must dine with us tonight.
Now...
Uh...
I insist, please.
Forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
I trust the young lady will be gracious enough
to join you at table, sir?
Your servant can eat with...
He is not my servant, sir.
I'm a servant, too, sir.
The kitchen is my place.
You're far too charming for that.
I won't leave Joseph, sir.
I cannot have them parted, sir.
As you wish, fair creature.
Get them well liquored.
I have plans for the wench later.
I admit to being something of an antiquity.
The gothic interests me greatly.
Its preoccupation with death I find absorbing.
It is the duty of every Christian to prepare...
for it.
Quite.
No drink for me, sir.
Oh, 'tis but juniper essence.
Very good for the... passages.
Perhaps a little cordial from Jamaica...
Ah, dinner!
Nothing like the chase to promote the appetite.
Gentlemen!
For what we are about to receive...
may the Lord make us truly thankful.
Amen to that, sir.
A health.
A health to you, sir.
And to your squire.
Joseph...
And to his good liquor.
Joseph, don't you think you've drunk enough?
My cheeks are both burning.
No, no, no. Fanny, fill up.
But though we remind ourselves
of our mortality...
we enjoy the pleasures
of the flesh, too.
You will see later.
Dismiss the servants.
Let the nuns
prepare.
Nuns, sir?!
I trust there is no popery here.
Not these nuns, sir.
Prepare her.
Come on, darling.
You're a handsome lad, and no mistake.
What use is the prayer
Without a reward?
What use is the thirst but for slaking?
What use is the pitcher that cannot be poured?
Our bodies are here for the taking
What use is the scabbard without any sword?
What hellish blasphemy
is this?!
What use is the lady without her fair lord?
Our bodies are here for the taking
What use is the brothel if there's no whore?
Sit, sir!
Good I...!
What are you perpetrating?
If you insist on the very art...
You are the devil incarnate, sir.
I fear for your soul.
...the Medieval one has accused of...
If you are not already beyond the mercy of my Lord.
And he'll give you this sweet undertaking
In bed or in hayloft or under bridge board
Our bodies are here for the taking
You will see now, sir, how we respect the innocent.
What use is a prayer without a reward?
What use is a thirst but for slaking?
What use is a pitcher that cannot be poured?
Our bodies are here for the taking
What use is the scabbard without any sword?
Fanny, my Fanny...
You're not Fanny.
Where is she?
Don't worry your head about her, love.
They're taking care of her upstairs.
I've got to find her!
What use is the prayer...?
After the blood, the body.
You'll see, sir.
What use is a thirst but for slaking?
What use is the pitcher that cannot be poured?
Our bodies are here for the taking
Fanny!
You bastard!
Ya! Ya!
Run, Fanny!
Hurry!
Ya!
Quick, this way!
Take her.
Joseph!
Ooh!
Here you go!
Let me go! Let me go!
My dear, dear Fanny.
Shall I never see thee more?
I think I shall go mad.
Remember, Joseph, you are a Christian.
Yes, that's very true.
And very fine.
What help is it now?
Be comforted, my child.
Be comforted that all is as the will of God.
It is true that you have lost the prettiest,
kindest, loveliest and sweetest young woman.
One with whom you might have expected to live
for many years in happiness,
virtue and innocence, and...
by home, you might have promised yourself
many little darlings.
Would have been the delight of your youth
and the comfort of your age.
Not only have you lost her,
but you have reason to fear the utmost violence,
power and lust inflict upon her.
Parson, I think I shall go mad!
Once more, sir, we are deeply in your debt.
- Farewell. - Farewell.
And young Joseph Andrews here
will never forget your kindness in restoring his Fanny to him.
Good-bye.
- Good-bye. - God be with you.
Good-bye.
Andrews?
There he is.
The rogue who attacked our master.
Arrest him!
...Joseph.
Wither away, my lady?
I'm going home, sir.
Then, madam, you'll have an escort to the city limits.
For whatsoever a man reape-- soweth...
that will he also reap.
I publish the banns of marriage
between Fanny Goodwill and Joseph Andrews.
Both of this parish.
Sir, you are doing a monstrous thing,
marrying these two.
Madam, I am not marrying them.
They are marrying each other.
I am merely God's witness to their union.
Don't quibble with me, sir.
But, madam, her goodness, her beauty...
Beauty?!
Might he be coming in a clergyman
to trouble about beauty?
A country wench a beauty?
Fit for nothing but to stock your parish with beauties.
But, sir, I will have no more paupers on my land.
Madam, poverty is no reason for their not being married.
If you defy me, sir,
I will recommend the bishop, your master,
to discard you from his service.
Madam, I serve one greater than you or the bishop.
If you see fit to discard me, I know the Lord will provide.
Get out, sir!
Out!
Lawyer Scout, my lady.
Mm.
Dear Mr. Scout.
I am in need of your aid and assistance.
You see that, Trotter?
I see that, sir.
We all seed that.
That's theft, Trotter.
Violation of property rights.
Take her to the justice.
She ain't done nothing yet.
She's an accomplice.
Oh, Joseph!
My lady! Lawyer Scout has carried both Fanny and Joseph
before the justice!
They'll certainly be hanged.
Joseph as well?
Yes, my lady.
In any case, they'll both go to Bragwell
to be stripped and whipped!
Get out!
No, don't touch her!
Don't touch her!
You bastards!
Fanny!
You bastard!
Stop!
Stop there!
I have a signed order
for the immediate release of Joseph Andrews.
Have you got a release for me, too?
And Miss Fanny Goodwill of the parish of Booby.
Release Joseph Andrews and Fanny Goodwill.
Fanny?
Fanny Goodwill?
My dear Joseph Andrews, I'm here
on the instigation of your sister Pamela, my wife.
No, it cannot be.
I'm so sorry that we have to meet
- in such a disagreeable place. - Sir, I must speak with them!
I must speak...
Pamela!
Brother!
Dear, dear sister.
All these years.
Whew!
This is Fanny.
And don't darken this parish again.
Mm, Perhaps we could buy Joseph a commission in the army.
A du cour regiment.
Très beau.
Of course, he must forget the kitchen girl.
Oh, certainly, Aunt.
Then he could rise, peut-être,
beyond his wildest dreams.
Aunt, I will go and talk to him at once.
Go to Mr. Didapper.
Tell him to come visit.
We'll set the wench in his way.
Oh, oh, put me down.
Down, down, down, immediately!
Oh, oh, a charming creature.
I shall accost her.
Oh, oh... oh, you are an angel.
A country blossom.
Let me salute you with a kiss.
Ow! Ow!
I'll have you yet, my charmer.
Don't take your eyes off her beauty
and bring her to my chamber this evening.
And then, my sweetest, you will be mine...
forever.
And ever.
Shall we walk together, hmm?
Never, never, never.
Not if you bought me a colonelcy in the guards.
Forget my Fanny?
I could as easily forget my name.
Oh, really, the fellow is impossible!
Joseph...
my dear, good husband
is offering you advantage and opportunity.
His very kindness deserves your gratitude.
No!
She's all I care about in the world.
No!
Come on!
No, no!
You think we ought to tell Parson Adams to forget the bans?
...and mowmps and meymos and mateys...
And mant.
Mr. Adams.
What's this?
We must speak to you.
Children, run outside and play.
It is as well you have made confession.
It is, nonetheless, a sin of the flesh.
Fornication!
All the more reason why we should be married at once.
I wish temptation put away from us.
It could happen again at any time.
Joseph!
I will not have you speak so in this house.
The Scripture According to St. Matthew,
Chapter five, part of verse twenty-eight:
"Whosoever looketh on a woman so as to lust after her..."
Hmm... I will omit the rest.
Joseph, until you are married,
you will put away carnal desires.
Well, surely you had such passions for Mrs. Adams.
Joseph...
Moderation, sir, in all things.
He was about as moderate as a buck rabbit!
The excess of passion-- in any sort--
disposes man to ignore the Almighty.
Abraham loved his son, Isaac.
The Lord commanded...
Oh, Parson!
Your little boy.
I do fear he's drowned!
God! My Jackie!
Hey! H-e-y!
Jackie!
Oh, Jackie!
Oh, my darling!
Oh, my darling, darling boy.
Oh... ho ho ho ho!
I thought that you had been wrenched from life.
All those before you abandoned me.
Oh, the sweetest and the kindest-hearted of my children!
Oh, my little prattler.
Oh, my scholar. My joy!
Sir, try to remember what you said.
Moderation in all things.
Ill becomes green hens to advise gray he...
Until you become a father,
you cannot know what a father feels like.
Where is our savior, our benefa...?
Oh!
Oh! But I know you!
Aye, sir. You owe me seven shillings.
And now... I owe you!
Come inside, sir, inside!
Sir?
I have come here to ask you but one thing.
Are Joseph and Fanny Goodwill to wed?
They are, indeed.
They are to be married very soon.
Then, sir, I have grave news.
You remember when I told you the story of my life?
I recall it well.
As my gypsy woman lay dying,
she told me of a child stolen from some simple folk.
Mm-hmm.
My gypsy's name was Goodwill,
and that is the name she gave the child.
So, Fanny was the babe sold to-to Booby Hall?
That is so, sir.
But this is not grave news.
Fanny will be overjoyed to know her real parents.
Perhaps you know their name.
Indeed, I do.
It is Andrews.
She is Joseph's own sister.
This cannot be.
She was born Fanny Andrews.
Of that there is no doubt.
No, t-there was only Joseph and his sister, Pamela.
And Fanny, sir.
The parents had three children.
How am I to tell them?
What am I to say?
This marriage must be stopped.
By rescuing my son,
the peddler brought me great joy.
But he also brought news...
...about your parentage, my dear.
They're found?!
I would almost rather abandon the hopes
of sitting by my Maker's throne than tell you.
But...
tell you I must.
Your parents are the same as Joseph's.
You are...
brother and sister.
My lady! They're consanguinated!
What?
They're-they're fraternally intervened!
Who?
They're incestuated!
Mon Dieu, who is what?
Well, they're intermangled, relatively.
What?
Fanny and Joseph.
Slipslop, I swear,
I don't know what you're talking about!
They're brother and sister!
I can't understand why you are so miserable.
I would be overjoyed to find I had a new sister.
Positively bouleversé.
Well, I find it all rather novel.
Doubtless, I shall learn to love her deeply... in time.
If platonic love it has to be,
that, too, has its reward.
Speak for yourself, Mr. Adams.
Don't you dare, sir!
I bruise as easily as a peach!
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
There is enough confusion already.
I pray, calm yourselves.
'Tis time, I think, for bed.
Your room is along here, Mr. Adams.
Thank you.
Fanny, I will come to you at daybreak,
and we will walk together.
And pledge ourselves,
if this fearful news be true,
never to see each other again.
Good night.
No, young lady, no.
Your chamber is in here.
This way.
Sweet dreams.
Fanny?
My angel, I have come to inform you
I have discovered the falsehood of the story.
I am your brother no longer, but your lover,
as before.
Slipslop! Oh!
My dear Mr. Didapper,
you know what my philanthropy is, don't you?
No, Madame.
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."
God, bless my soul!
No!
I can guarantee you'll be highly pleased.
No, I-I...
Rape!
Unhand that young lady, sir!
Don't call me sir, sir!
You weirdest of men!
How dare you use my house for your debaucheries!
My lady.
And my own woman
for the object of your bestiality.
I ca... I can, I can explain everything.
Back to your room, sir.
Vite, vitement!
Slipslop!
You viper!
Would your frustrate my scheme?
Would you be joined by Joseph?
Come in, whoever you are.
Ah!
A man!
How came you into my bed?
How came you into mine?
How came the two of you together?
Mr. Wilson.
What brings him here?
I told you, sir, I would visit you,
and I found my excuse.
I met Mr. and Mrs. Andrews lost on the way
and insisted on accompanying them.
Joseph!
Steady, boy... ha, ha!
Hello.
My son!
Forgive us if your reception
is not as hospitable as you deserve,
but you come at a strange time.
Mother.
It reminds me, indeed, of that tale
you told me of the loss of your son.
Tell us, son, why have we been sent for?
You will soon hear, Father.
Let us go in and see Lady Booby.
Let us go in.
Ah...
My lady, my I present
Mr. Wilson.
Belle.
Do I know you, sir?
I do not answer to that name.
But...
all those years ago in London.
Sir, I'm Lady Booby now.
All that is past is past.
Enough of this tittle-tattle of days gone by.
'Tis the present we wish to settle.
Uh, Mr. Adams, have they arrived?
Uh, they... uh, yes, my lady.
They, uh, they're all...
Gaffa and Gammer Andrews, you have a child
more than you know of.
This girl
is your daughter, stolen away by the gypsies.
Stuff and rubbish, Your Honor.
I've had no daughter stolen by the gypsies.
No, none other than Pamela and Joseph.
Tell your story, peddler.
No. No, wait.
It's true.
- True? - I must speak the truth.
You remember when you went off to the wars?
The gypsies had changed the babes.
I suppose they thought they could
never sell the boy.
It was so ailing.
The little baby was so piteous, I took it up and suckled it.
I thought if I looked after it,
God would restore our daughter.
As true as I'm alive, I loved that boy as if he were my own.
I never told you, my dear,
for fear you did not love him as your own.
But Joseph was the sweetest little boy.
His skin as white as milk.
Not a blemish...
'cept for one dear little birthmark on his arm
in the form of a strawberry.
A strawberry?
Your shirt, sir. Open your shirt.
My son.
Our son.
What fuckin' next?
Mm. Mm!
With this ring, I thee wed.
With my body I thee worship.
And all my...
Worldly goods.
Worldly goods I with thee share.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Amen.
O, Eternal God, creator and preserver of all mankind,
give them your warm spiritual grace all for everlasting life,
send thy blessing upon these, thy servants.
The bride is abed.